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It is in the face of adversity that friendship is tested. This sentence rings in my head these few days, I had a sort of a row with one of my bros, and to be honest I am largely to blame for my impulsiveness. I sometimes wonder if my priority to have friends on the top of my list was a good decision, sometimes i just feel unappreciated.. un cared for and taken for granted.

Perhaps if i switched off my mobile devices for a week , I would be able to look at myself better, instead of having the feeling that i’ve poured out all my energy and emotion into friendship, and am left empty handed. Although logically I know that I am left with the joy of friendship and that of unselfish giving, I am emotionally not able to keep up with this logic.

My best friend (xh) once told me that for him, he feels the same way and the person whom can fill this gap for him was a girl, that might also be true in my case, but are humans really that pathetic? That we cannot shower love and concern for our friends – and that it is only reserved for that special “someone” ?

My heart is full of sadness… filled with loneliness and filled with nothingness… I really wanna have a good cry.. But i’ve been unable to do so for a very long time… the best i could muster was a tear , I am sick and tired of this state that I am in, is this what life is about?

Perhaps we all show our love and concern in our own ways.

Blogging from ipad

Hi all ,

First Sight

Just got an iPad upon it's release yesterday and I must say that it is simply phenomenal . It is literally as steve jobs has said , "to have the Internet in your hands ..." , just simply whow man !!! The keyboard is almost life-size (although it still takes some getting used to , and just like the iPhone it still takes one getting used to, but i have never imagine typing on a screen that allows me to use almost all of my ten fingers to type at the same time !


Video clarity is definitely another whow factor , the HD screen allows for awesome graphics to be shown ! Just watched and rewatched the kobe bryant clinic video and I must say that it is one of the best if not the best experience that I have had watching the video from any given platform so far !

Main reason why I bought the iPad

The core reason is still because it allows me to bring my homework to school (from notes to tutorials) without having to carry the heavy paper counter part, and it also allows me to serve the internet without having to be confined to a computer screen, and to truly have the internet in your hands is just amazing !

This had been a very brief introduction to the first look at ipad and i expect to be using more of it in the near future as I explore it's function in depth.





The Claws Of Love – Part 1


This is a story –.- , this story is part fiction and part fact as I am writing with the intention of sharing the moral of the story with everyone hence I’ve modified the story (the characters , settings etc but plot is fact) a little to suit the plot better. Putting this as Part 1 only means that I do not not if i’ll finish this story in a single post …

As I finally start to come to terms with the fact that she cannot be the special someone that I’ll share part of my life with, my heart withered and the world turned gloomy, from the horizon the sun was setting, and life seems bleak at best, the fires of missing her were subsiding , however the lingering feeling that something was missing – like a piece of me was torn off - remained,

Hi , My name is James… and this is my story with her…

I knew her from school and when i first saw her , I didn’t bear a particular interest in her except that she was a classmate and also a friend of my close friend. Our regular meet-ups were in mass lectures halls where we would be sitting quite near each other – hardly any conversation took place .  We would often have our lunch together with a bunch of other classmates , in which I seldom spoke as well.

Nothing in particular happened for a few weeks, until we were given a group project by our teacher and she said “Ok James you will be doing the project with Jesscia” , that was the first time I heard her name and it sure did caught my attention.

From then, we started having group meetings regularly as it was in both of us to want to complete the project exceeding expectations, and as a keen observer, I realised that Jess(ica) had something troubling her , I couldn’t put a finger on it , but I didn’t asked further .

As time went by , we got closer and closer together as good friends – partly because of the project, and we started joking around and seemed to have hit it off quite well. That was when I felt it was time for me to pop the question “Jessica, something seems to be bothering you, care to share?”

Looking back, I wished I had never asked this question…

She turned and looked at me with an elusive expression , after several seconds , she replied “why do you ask James?”

Sensing that she would be willing to share with me her problems if I pushed further I replied “Oh you seemed troubled by something and I thought I might be able to help”

"I don’t know if you can help .. but i’ll tell you anyway, I’ve just broke up with my boyfriend”

Hearing that I lent her my listening ear and we spoke about the issue, it was evident that she was hiding alot of information as her stories were not in chronological order – I didn’t mind, after hearing her story, this was what I gathered,

Jess and her boyfriend had broken up because he felt that both of them were not ready for a relationship as school work was very stressful and her boyfriend had a family to support (working part-time as well), he didn’t want to “short change” Jess as he felt he was failing in his duty as a boyfriend. Hence the broke up.

Listening to her story made me empathise with her plight, and I tried – in vain – to console her , the only thing I could do was accompany her, our project discussions that day did not continue as she was too bogged down by her emotional burdens to think straight.

At that moment when she was close to breaking down, she appeared to me like a blooming flower , so beautiful and so perfect , and I thought “let me help you to get out of this traumatic experience” .

For the next few weeks, Jess and I began to sit next to each other during lectures – and we shared a good amount of humour together , we usually have our meals together – except when I had to accompany my male friends .

I constantly listened to her problems and empathise with her, and sometimes she would not even speak about her problems and she would bluntly say “drop it James”.

I began to develop feelings for her and we got closer and closer , once she got so upset that she cried on my shoulders and gave me a hug for a good long while – it was an warming experience , I hugged her back and said “everything will be okay”

From that day onward, everyday in school became enjoyable , I looked forward to seeing her daily and at night we would often chat either online or on the phone, on days where I was rather busy, I would send her text messages , it was as if everyday the reason to rejoice was her, and everyday life only seem meaningful with her presence, life couldn’t have been better , I was enjoying her company and I wished I had her company forever. I decided , its time to make my move . . .

As 14th February approaches , I decided to ask for her “hand” – no not marriage- to go into a relationship with me on the 12th of February , I rehearsed my lines well and all seems to be in place and on the 11th night I called her to ask her out the next day for dinner, before I asked her out it was a routine that we would first talk about some random stuff , when I first heard her voice that night – it was unforgettable,

She was elated and seems to be brimming with joy, initially I thought it was because I was feeling rather happy and had some influence over her, and then I popped the question “you sound very happy today , are your inner conflicts with your past relationship resolved?”

I remember that scene all too well, I was sitting on my bed , on the right of my bed was the book I had just put down prior to the call, in front of me was my LCD TV and resting on my pillow , with the lights off, I was speaking with her on my handphone,

She replied “ I just reconcile with my boyfriend ! We’ve worked things out”

My world collapsed, as I sank into the abyss of darkness…

Recess Week is here

energy Hi all, firstly if you are reading this, thanks :) As i’ve not blogged for a while now (and you check back !) ,it’s been 7 weeks into the second semester in NTU , SPMS/CBC , apparently this semester was supposed to be different from semester one where I was supposedly “adapting”.

However, it turned out that I got into the same old vicious cycle of not studying.. again. I havent been studying as much as I want to, and I’ve actually found out the supposed reason for this procrastination.

After reading zenhabits’s post , the one deadly sin of changing habits ,  I realised that I’ve been too focused on the “planning” and neglected the actual “doing” of the habit, sometimes when a plan is too complex it becomes difficult to execute because there are so many factors that must be “right” before anything can happen.

And now it is the recess week (1 week holiday) , i’ve decided to keep things simple and not “plan” so much ahead as opposed to “do” so much ahead. I know this advise does not apply to everyone because everyone is wired and build differently, however if you are a person whom “plans” alot but seems to accomplish little, it’s always worth the while putting more effort into “doing” than “planning” .

So for this recess week, i’ve decided to take things slowly but consistently, I used to set “study 10 hours per day” targets (and didnt wind up studying more than 10% of my intended target) , instead, i’ve divided my study hours in blocks of 2 hours ( 3 times a day from 9am – 11am , 2pm – 4pm , 7pm-9pm) and I am allowed to be flexible as long as i clock the 2 hours!

I definitely think i’ll succeed and hopefully I get to blog about it ^^

All the best to all my course mates !

5 Best experiences of 2009

geometric reflection

Welcome to the new year of 2010 ! it’s been a decade since the year 2000 , how is everyone?

As a way of remembering 2009, I would like to share with you – my readers – the 5 best experiences/decisions I have went through that made 2009 a meaningful and unforgettable one . (in no particularly order)

The resolutions during the rainy season (vassa)

From July – September , which is the rainy season (vassa) , it is a tradition for buddhist to devote themselves more towards their practice , as a buddhist, this is the first year that i’ve taken this tradition seriously, and the benefits which was reaped from it was immense. I’ve learned more about myself in this 3 months then I ever had for the past 22 years of my life.

Examination in NTU for the first time (yr 1 sem 1)

Taking the exams for the first time after 2 years of National Service made me feel like a total newbie in the area of academic excellence. I was totally unprepared for it ! However, this lead to a intense period of time when the pressure was on to study intensively prior to the actual examination dates. It was a moment where my sole focus was on my exams , this experience taught me to cherish the simple pleasures of life – 30 mins of rest is heavenly . It allowed me to understand my own temperament – and what a big ego I have.

New BS clubroom Cleaning

This happened just prior to 2010 (late december) , the cleaning of the new BS (buddhist society) clubroom, it was definitely a time where I got to know my very good brother alot better :) and we also had a share of jokes/thoughts/moments together. It was one of the best bonding experience i’ve had .

Knowing my neighbour and a few neighbour friends

For the first time in my life, I have a neighbour! and along with him, i met a few really great brothers along the way =) It is amazing how easily we clicked and seemed to have known each other for a long long time… Hope that our friendship continue to blossom ^^

Being Alive

The fifth and most meaningful experience is to know that I am alive after 2009 =) . As ironic as it sounds, life is the one thing most people take for granted and I really want to take this opportunity to be thankful that I am still alive.

The one thing I ought to remember is that the every one of the experiences in 2009 are lessons to learn upon to make 2010 a better year ^^

Happy New Year!