A dream…

Words cannot describe how I feel.. Just going to be very random here.. Whoever can understand will.. whoever don’t .. just don’t…

You see that car?

How do you know its real?

Because the eyes sees colours..

Because the skin can feel..

Because you remember seeing and touching it..

But what if you were blind?

But what if you couldn’t feel?

What if you couldn’t remember?

Would that car still be real?

All these things feel so real because of what we see.. hear.. taste.. smell .. touch .. and think.. if anyone of it was removed from the equation.. would things still appear so real?

Maybe we’re all living in a dream.. a nightmare.. ><”

My Last Week Of Work..

 

This week marks the end of my NS stint.. I leave my office with mix feelings.. Rather not say them now.. let the photos do the talking!! (we took more photos then this, click this link to see more! )

Steam Boat Gathering Prior To Last Day Of Work

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everyone preparing to makan!                                                     Group Photo After Dinner

Last Day Of Work

 

 

 

 

 

 

            mdm gopi me sze tho                                                                        Boss And Me!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Shahreza and Me                                                                          My work desk – one last time =(

Through this.. I reflect.. everything is subjected to 4 conditions , birth , aging , illness and death. Alot of my colleagues ask me “why do you talk like as if you are going to die?” , because that’s exactly what was on my mind on the last day..

Birth – I was “born” in the office on january 2008 , still young, i strove my way to learn all I could

Aging – I matured through the years and gained alot of experience on the job

Illness – Job screw up, relationship issues with office , everything unpleasant

Death – And now i’ve been placed in the coffin, never again will I be part of this office

This 4 conditions is found in all (conditioned)things.. everything without exception is subjected to this 4 conditions.. This “Death” (ORD) of mine is only a small one.. when a bigger “Death” comes along.. can I handle it?

That is the real cause of my sadness…

The Weekday Review Posting Format

Random Picture – Firdaus(my office best friend) and me in locker room ^^

The format of this post is inspired by a good buddy of mine, Gordan . That’s usually how he blogs and I thought I should try it too!! (check him out in my blogroll as well)

I modified the format a bit, so it’ll be a weekly breakdown of my activities(low mental strain) to some of my own thoughts (high mental strain) and finally to my own thoughts that is very critical in nature (high mental strain)

So feel free to ignore anything that may not make sense to you.

Weekly BreakDown :

Monday

Work as usual.. I usually don’t remember what happens at work.. because it sort of became a routine for me.. But the constant bonding with my office people is something that I appreciate and enjoy on a day to day basis..

At night went to taught bball , i adopted a fresher approach to my coaching , and I believe my players prefer this approach =)

Tuesday

At night went to BS for weekly meditation session , the mind calmed down quite fast this time round although still haven’t managed to concentrate .. zi wei (my office colleague) was there also.. after that went to have dinner @ clementi before heading off home .

Wednesday

Like i said i wont mention work !

At night went for wing chun lesson =) Brought alot of new friends there , jimson (and his pal zen an) , zi yang and sean also went, very interesting lesson as usual, and today kena hit by the trainer(he hit softly only dont worry) so fast that i didnt even see his hand kena whack already.. lol

Thursday

Wanted to go zi wei house to swim.. but got caught up by work, so in the end we ended up having dinner and going back to office to accompany our supervisor wei xiong , the three of us had a very meaningful (and somewhat heated) discussion which resulted in much benefit =)

Friday

Today at work was very busy.. had to wake up at 6am to give zi wei a wake up call.. he told me i called him 24 times before he woke up.. (i have some patience huh?) then was very busy preparing for work stuff.. and afternoon had quite a depressing quarrel with zi wei (again), but we ended up shaking hands and forgiving each other (for the 100003345 time) . isn’t it beautiful that friendship ? how we can quarrel and respect each other for our differences

Overall:

It is rare for me to meet friends whom are good listeners and supporters of myself, maybe i am too naive, but i really treat my friends better than myself sometimes. (i.e. i wont treat myself to a S$10 meal but i will do that for my friend if he wants) . Bringing joy to my buddies is way more important than bringing joy to myself (although it can be said that my buddies rejoicing creates a joy in me – so ultimately its still my own joy that matters) .

Upon reflection tho, i must always remember , no matter how close i may to anyone/anything , they are without exception, subjected to separation. One day , i’ll be separated from those I love dearly and those who love me dearly, this i have to keep reflecting else i’ll be setting myself up for a ton of suffering.

No wonder devas have it harder to walk the path towards total unbinding.

Quote of the week + Thoughts

“Song, you’re the one friend I have in my entire social circle , that doesn’t drink/smoke/womanise , and one whom goes to temple , meditates and chant , the only “pure” friend I know”

– Xiong (identity wont be revealed)

Song’s thoughts: I take it as a big compliment =) wayne always tells me that virtue is not innocence, virtue is innocence tested. Personally, i feel that being born and growing up in such a society (which drinks/smoking is a norm) and to be surrounded by ppl who does so , and yet not being pulled along with them is already the biggest test to my virtue, for there are 4 types of people in the world,

1) ppl who upon hearing (of an act and it’s consequences) will refrain from that act

i.e. reading through newspapers , hearing it from elders/wiser people

2) ppl who upon seeing (the act and it’s consequences) will refrain from that act

i.e. seeing your own friend/family experience the consequences of certain actions

3) ppl whom upon experiencing (the act and it’s consequences) will refrain from that act

i.e. telling a deliberate lie which resulted in many parties getting hurt

4) ppl whom upon experiencing (the act and it’s consequences) continues with that act

i.e. beating people up and ending up in jail, but upon release, continues to beat ppl up

1 – 4 , wise – foolish , this is the mark.

I always hope i belong to category 1)  , but alas, I do not for all actions . However, I hope to be always faster than the kilesas so that I can stay in 1) and if i am a bit slower 2) , may i never have to belong to 3) and especially not 4) .

 

Like my new way of posting? no? leave a comment and let me know what you think!!

a little at a time

Slowly this few days the feelings that bugged me for a long time is starting to dissipate, what remains is a slight sting which appears quickly and disappears just as fast. I hope this can be maintained =)

As life begins to shift into a different chapter , my ORD date closes in as my days in the university is about to begin ! Some would think that I am dead set on leaving NS and go to uni , however, my heart is filled with a tinch of sadness as I’ll miss all my buddies in my office, the times we had – good and bad, they are indeed as close to me as a family would be.

It’s hard for me to accept this transition, as I’ve never felt so close to a group of people , their understanding and kindness , especially our supervisors (mdm kaur , harold & wei xiong) treats us so well and can accept us for who we are not to work within our differences.

I’ll always remember them and the times we had together will forever be cherished.

BlogRoll

Here is a list (blogroll) of my friends and links I want to share, check them out

Dhamma Friends

Xin Hao

Ming Gen

BasketBall Friends

Sean

Wen Liang

Thian Seng

Tommy

Gordan

Ziyang

Overseas Friends

Robb

Zachary

If you are my friend or would like me to add you here, please drop me a email at : gmaluku[at]hotmail[dot]com !!

How do I let go ?

It seems impossible for me to let go.. 7 days ago.. lol .. this is the seventh morning i awaken very early (5am+ 6am) to a very heavy and “Emo’ feeling.. everyday it burns..

This aching feeling.. this fear. .this worry.. that my friends would do stupid things and end up in inconceivable dire consequences. Images of their suffering ran through my head day after day, night after night, without rest , like a shadow that never leaves – not even in my sleep.

I seem so certain that something is going to happen to those whom do foolish stuff.. (drinking alcohol , meddling with girls unchastely) , however i forgot, that all these things are just too extreme..

Where is my trust in my friends? In that they’ll look after themselves, as of now, they seem to be doing better off than i am, so much for foolishness leading to suffering – I seem to be the wise one, but why am i suffering more?

Learning to let go, and always know , life is uncertain , there is not certainty in life and there never will be. Whether or not my friends will end up for better or for worst with their foolish actions? – not sure. Because they too have wise actions and skilful actions as well, just that some of them are more inclined towards foolish actions – thats ALL .

If you see certainty in that which is uncertain, you are bound to suffer.

Should start looking inwardly at myself, am i tainted by the same defilements as my friends are? lead by the same stupid foolish delusion , blinded by passion and disgusted by aversion?

Everyone is owner to their own actions and heir to the consequences of their actions , there is nothing I can do except point the way towards happiness.

I am determined to overcome this suffering and become wiser in my dealings with every fellow beings.

 

What Is knowledge?

It is not something to be memorized and not understood..

It is not something that you read and repeat..

It is not something which comes from books ..

True knowledge is gained through experience or other’s experience ..

Only through practice of knowledge can one see knowledge..