When I Am Down..

Been feeling down and out this weekend.. sadness seems to overwhelm me alot… I very long no cry twice in a row (and a third time when my friend was counsoling me..

This period probably allows me to recognise who are those I called brothers whom will call me “Bro” back.. But I wont draw a conclusion with regards to this matter..

Life is full of ups and downs.. sometimes its the people whom lift you up when you’re down and to share your joy that makes you feel its all worth it..

Thats is why the buddha say that a good friend is one who rejoice in your gains and supports you when you loss..

How many friends do I have that follows strictly to the protocol of what the lord buddha mentioned?

What is NOT a friend ?

(1) he who appropriates a friend's possessions,

(i) he appropriates his friend's wealth,
(ii) he gives little and asks much,
(iii) he does his duty out of fear,
(iv) he associates for his own advantage.

(2) he who renders lip-service,

(i) he makes friendly profession as regards the past,
(ii) he makes friendly profession as regards the future,
(iii) he tries to gain one's favor by empty words,
(iv) when opportunity for service has arisen, he expresses his inability.

(3) he who flatters,

(i) he approves of his friend's evil deeds,
(ii) he disapproves his friend's good deeds,
(iii) he praises him in his presence,
(iv) he speaks ill of him in his absence.

(4) he who brings ruin.

(i) he is a companion in indulging in intoxicants that cause
infatuation and heedlessness,
(ii) he is a companion in sauntering in streets at unseemly hours,
(iii) he is a companion in frequenting theatrical shows,
(iv) he is a companion in indulging in gambling which causes heedlessness."

What IS a friend?

(1) he who is a helpmate,

(i) he guards the heedless,
(ii) he protects the wealth of the heedless,
(iii) he becomes a refuge when you are in danger,
(iv) when there are commitments he provides you with double the
supply needed.

(2) he who is the same in happiness and sorrow,

(i) he reveals his secrets,
(ii) he conceals one's own secrets,
(iii) in misfortune he does not forsake one,
(iv) his life even he sacrifices for one's sake.

(3) he who gives good counsel,

(i) he restrains one from doing evil,
(ii) he encourages one to do good,
(iii) he informs one of what is unknown to oneself,
(iv) he points out the path to heaven.

(4) he who sympathises.

(i) he does not rejoice in one's misfortune,
(ii) he rejoices in one's prosperity,
(iii) he restrains others speaking ill of oneself,
(iv) he praises those who speak well of oneself."

If anyone of else has a friend that fulfill all 4 criterias as stated above, one should be truly thankful. i am thankful =)

first major disappointment in my life

从小到大，我所付出的努力都会有耕耘。在加上家庭的教育是赏罚分明-一个公平的制度，这可能造就了我对世界的看法- 凡是都是一份耕耘，一份收获。这也许在很多方面都是一个优点，但今天我发现， 如果误以为世界就是对每个人都是那么的公平， 那我也太过天真了。

Today  my grading concerning my work performance was confirmed , and it was a disappointing “C” – GOOD. And the reason why it was just only a GOOD, was because I had taken too many medical leave throughout the course of my past 1+ years in my job

I find it difficult to accept it initially, because my work ethic and work quality – in my opinion – is nothing short of an “A” – Outstanding. Out of all my responsibilities as an employee, the only thing I didnt managed to fulfil was to leave the office later than my boss.

I was always in early, never complained about too much work, always delivering on time (with high quality) and way before deadline etc. To even put my overall grading anything less than a “B” – Very Good , was already a huge blow to me.

One of the main reasons why I was so upset was because , the work ethic of others are not even close to what I’ve delivered, and yet their grades are much better than mine – all because I am sick.

Is that how it is like? That if you are sick, then no matter how good your work is , it doesnt count ? Is that the message we’re sending out to people whom give their heart and soul to a job?

I’ve been denied everything in my stint of serving my nation, no promotion , no awards and not even a grade that should’ve been fairly given to me. thinking of this, it often draws me to tears , I find that I cannot accept such a treatment.

Upon reflection, I can only say this for myself , this is the way of the samsara.

Samsara is not fair  , because of kamma, kamma is created, because of the kilesas.

Expecting a fair treatment is like expecting humans to fly. maybe humans have a higher chance of flying.

Nevertheless, I’ll continue to fulfil my duties towards my boss and my peers , if this is the way my kamma would be, I’ve do well to let it fruit and be done with it – who knows, maybe this is just a small way of repaying something i did very wrong in the past (i.e. not following the dhamma vinaya as a member of the ariya sangha?)

And if this is not my kamma, things will turn out for the better , right? I have sadda in this.

My sincere wish,is that whoever has did this to me, will not be in my position now or in the future, I do not blame anyone and I do not wish to pursue this matter anymore. Let it rest.

May all beings be well and happy.